Bribing the Minister

Some dumb preacher humor for you:

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor, and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you would just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away feeling satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the preacher looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then he leaned toward the preacher and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The preacher put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

Best Stump Speech Ever

I don't think I've ever seen a more intense plea for a nomination than this guy's. Wow. Rather unfortunate that we share some of the political leanings.

Revised iPad with Camera

What's that ticking sound?

If you haven't seen this Harry Potter puppet sketch, and you have an appreciation for rhythm, it's really classic.

Church Bulletin Error

Man, oh, man, do I feel bad for one of my Christian sister secretaries in a nearby congregation today. I'm withholding the name and location of the congregation so as not to embarrass them directly. Today, Don came into the office with a chuckle, and encouraged us to take a look at a bulletin he received in the mail today. Here is what was on the back. I laughed. Hard.

I hope she's emotionally stable enough to take the heap of chuckles she's probably going to be getting. I wonder how many people have already called to inform her of the error.

ONE-LINE WISDOM

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

A couple of bits of my weird sense of humor

Please feel free to disregard this post. This is entirely for my own sake. There were a couple of passages I came across last week that struck me in a way that they hadn't before.

For one, Don quoted from I Corinthians 9:27 where Paul says he "buffets" his body (ASV). I got to thinking that I also like to buffet my body. Particularly at Cici's Pizza and at the New China Buffet.





With the teens, I studied from Luke 15, which has 3 parables about something being lost, then found again. First a sheep, then a coin, then the prodigal son. What if the first and third were more closely connected? When the son comes home, the master orders the servants to kill and prepare the fatted calf. What if he had ordered them to prepare a fatted sheep instead, which also happened to be the sheep that had originally been lost? It would be a bummer for the sheep.

Humorous Things in Mexico #4

I've come to the conclusion that many troubling things in life can either be viewed as tragedy or as humor. The same things we cry at in a drama are a lot of the things we laugh at in a comedy. It's all about context. I've gotten to where I try to find humor in things that might otherwise bother me. I was reminded of this a couple of weeks ago in Mexico.

Carolina's dad thinks I am completely incompetent. This visit was the first time he's ever allowed me to help wash the dishes. He normally insists on doing it, not because he wants to, but because he thinks I'll break them. I have had some bad luck down there, because the one other time I tried to help, I did break a dish. And the first time I went down there, I sat on Carolina's bed, and it broke. I pulled the chain to operate her ceiling fan, and it hasn't worked since. I also break off the towel rack in the bathroom every time I use it. They had finally replaced it this year.

So perhaps he has some good reasons to think I'm incompetent, or at least clutsy. Again, that could be irritating, but I choose to find it funny. This last visit, we were in Wal-Mart, and I needed to go to the bathroom, so I told Carolina where I was heading. When I got in there and went in, Carolina's dad was just finishing up washing his hands. I said hello and went about my business. When I came out, Carolina's dad was waiting on me just outside the door. I thought nothing of it, though I noticed that he said something to Carolina when we walked back to where she was. He looked kind of stern. I asked her later what he had said...

"Why did you let him go by himself?!"

Humorous Things In Mexico #3

I think this may have actually been an American vehicle, but it's pretty funny for a Mexican to be driving it. We would see "P'up" as an abbreviation for "Pickup". The Mexican driving this car would pronounce it the "Isuzu Poop".

Humorous Things In Mexico #1

I love the total lack of concern with things like copyright in Mexico. I have a few different examples of this, but this one is one of my favorites. You all have heard of "Kentucy Fried Chicken". But have you ever tried "Koky Fray Chicken"? I decided it was probably wiser not to.