My Personality Tests

In filling these things out, I always feel a little narcissistic, but I enjoy them nonetheless.

Use Your Allusion #1: The Sword of Damocles

This is a common allusion made particularly in reference to people in power. This is based more on legend than on mythology.

Damocles was an excessively flattering courtier in the court of Dionysius II, a tyrant in Syracuse, Italy during the 4th century. He praised Dionysius and would exclaim how wonderful it must be to be a man of such wealth and power.

Dionysius offered to switch places with him for a day so that Damocles could experience what it was like to have such power. Damocles gladly jumped at the chance to experience the luxury which he so envied, and he took full advantage of the offer.

At a great banquet, he allowed himself to be pampered like a king. Only after he had finished eating, he happened to gaze up and to see a sharp sword dangling directly above his head by only a single strand of horse hair, but he was unable to move. Immediately, he asked leave of Dionysius, having lost his taste for the food and the fine company.

This allusion is used to make the point that people in power are always under some sort of peril. More broadly, it can refer to any situation that is extremely precarious, or full of impending danger; particularly if the situation can be set off by a delicate trigger.

Can you think of any settings in which you could use this allusion?

A New Routine at Perpetual Timothy

I've become a big fan of some blogs that have regular routine kinds of posts. My personal favorite is Mark Elrod's blog posts entitled "Caption This Friday".

Up to this point, I kind of blog about whatever strikes me as interesting, funny, or important at the moment. But because I know Perpetual Timothy readers are an extremely intelligent crowd, I'm going to provide a weekly service to help us all keep sharp on our wits. I'm going to start a new weekly post entitled "Use Your Allusion" (tipping my hat to the classic Guns 'n Roses albums with similar names).

Each week, I will explain the meaning and proper usage of a literary and/or Biblical allusion. You can throw these babies out in regular conversation and make sure everyone around you knows that you are smart and well-cultured.

I Should So Be Getting Paid For This

I've been an avid blogger for some time now. I've had many friends who have started blogging, then fizzled out, then started, then fizzled, etc. I've remained pretty constant on here. I probably enjoy hearing myself talk too much.

At any rate, I was logging onto Harding's Pipeline to see what's happening in my online course for this semester, and--lo and behold--Harding is paying students to blog about Harding! I hope they give Mark Elrod and David Underwood pay increases, as I know of no one who blogs more about Harding than they do. I wish they would have started this a long time ago. I could use the tuition discount, and I do this anyway.

In case I ever need to quit my day job...

Markito Mysterio. Run and hide, Chuck Norris. Run and hide.

I'm showing off a souvenir from Mexico.

Churches of Christ Disaster Relief Effort

Carolina and I just got back from spending an interesting half of our day volunteering with the Churches of Christ Disaster Relief Effort on Allied Drive, here in Nashville. If you are a wealthy person (or not so wealthy), looking for a charity that actually does some good with your donations, I don't think you could do any better than this organization. They have very few paid people on staff. I'd say at least 90% of their work force is people who volunteer.

Generally, they have work days on an as-needed basis, depending on when disasters strike. We were working today to prepare and ship 1,200 boxes to people in the West who have been hit with recent flooding.

We participated in a huge assembly line. I think Carolina and I were the two youngest people there by at least 20 years, but we still had a great time working and visiting with everyone around us. It's really encouraging to see how many good people there are in this world who can work together so well. People were there from all over Tennessee, and I met several who drove down to help from Kentucky. If you could give up part of a day now and then, and you're close to the Nashville area, this is a great way to volunteer your time. They even provide lunch for everyone after the job is done!

On a separate note, several TV crews showed up to get clips of us in action. Fox 17 was there, and so was CBS 5 I think. The interesting thing was that mayoral candidate Bob Clement also showed up. He walked around and shook hands with the men who were in charge. I was hoping to see how anxious he is to "serve" Nashville, but he was primarily interested in eating a Nutty Buddy, which they gave him. So today, I guess he was serving the city of Nashville by helping to keep the ice cream business in operation, though he didn't help us pack up any boxes to be sent to the needy. He seemed like an OK guy, but he's definitely a politician; showing up right after the cameras did.

So far it's been a good day. I got to help get needed supplies to 1,200 different families, and I got to watch the possible Mayor Elect of Nashville eat ice cream while I worked.

Conversations In A Car In Mozambique, Africa

My dad just got home from visiting missionaries in Mozambique, Africa. For any of you Hardingites, the Donelson Church of Christ sponsors Alan and Rachel Howell. My dad really enjoyed his trip, and says that they're doing a great job down there.

I wanted to recount an experience that my dad had. They were all piled in a car, driving to another town. My dad was in the back seat, in between two Africans, who were constantly chattering in their language.

A lot of people are paranoid when they can't understand what other people are saying. Having learned a small amount of Spanish, I've learned that we need not worry about what they're saying most of the time. In fact, it's a bit arrogant to always assume that people are "talking about me". Nonetheless, when you can't understand any of what is being said right beside you, it can be a little uncomfortable; especially if they start laughing.

Stereotypically, I think we like to imagine people from other cultures talking about noble things. In movies, Chinese men are always droning out about their "honor" or ancestors. Indians are always recounting creation stories about origins of bears, birds, or men. So my dad was obviously wondering what these men could be talking about in the car with foreigners from the United States.

After the two guys beside my dad had talked for a while, Alan spoke up and said, "Would you like to know what these guys are saying?" Dad said, "Sure." Alan recounted what they had been talking about, and their conversation went something like this:

Man 1: This ride is taking a while.

Man 2: Yeah I know!

Man 1: I'm sure glad we didn't bring Kimbe along. He's getting old, and he always needs to stop and pee.

Man 2: I know! He does! Every time we take him anywhere, he always has to stop and pee at least once every hour. It's so annoying!

Man 1: Yeah. It's a good thing we didn't bring him.

Man 2: Yeah. (pauses) Um... now that you mention it, I really need to stop and pee.

Man 1: Actually, so do I!

Man 2: What are we going to do? We can't stop here.

Man 1: I don't know! But I really need to go.

Man 2: Maybe we can stop at the edge of town and I can pee beside the bus stop.

Man 1: You might could, but if you do and an authority sees you, he'll fine you $12.

Man 2: $12! I can't afford that! What am I going to do? I've got to pee!

Man 1: Maybe there will be a business with a public restroom.

Man 2: I don't know of any! What are we going to do? I can't hold it much longer.

Man 1: Let's just try to hold it for now, and we'll figure out what to do when we get there.

Man 2: I'll try, but I don't know if I can!

I don't know if anyone will find that amusing besides me, but I enjoyed it.

What I want most for my Birthday...

...is to see my wife. Lord willing, she'll be home tomorrow. I have missed her terribly these last three weeks.

Bringing Justice To the Streets of Nashville, TN

Yesterday, I got to go along as a "rider" with a friend of mine at church named Matt who is a police officer. I showed up with him before his shift began, and went along for everything he did until his shift ended late last night. If you've never done anything like this, it's way better than watching COPS.

I wasn't sure exactly how to go about this post, but I've decided to break it down into some bullet points. I want to mention some of the specific things we dealt with, as well as some things I learned about how the police work.

The evening began with him showing me how to use an extra shot gun that he keeps in the car. It is locked in place in a rack behind our heads, and there is a hidden release button if you need to use it. He has a brand new car with only 900 miles on it, and a lot of the sweetest new gear. I never realized how much time officers spend using these portable tablet PC's. They are logged on the entire time to several different services, keeping an eye on what needs to be taken care of, looking up people's information, and finding directions to places.

Here are some of the things we had to go and take care of:

• Attempted Burglary - Someone tried to break into a lady's condo between midnight and 6am. Her screen door was pulled loose from the frame, but there were no marks indicating that someone had really tried to enter the main door. So basically, there wasn't much that could be done. At her request, he dusted for fingerprints but got none. When nothing is actually stolen and there isn't a complete forced entry, all the police can really do is file a report.
  
  
• Loud Music Complaint - These kinds of calls are pretty annoying. In the end, I think we were more annoyed than the people who had been complaining about loud music. We had to drive all the way out to the edge of our zone, and of course, there was no loud music and the person who had been complained about was sound asleep, and definitely not bothering anyone.
  
  
• Thief Arrest - At Lowe's, a girl who worked there had been pocketing money from the cash register, and had taken a total of $4,200 over several weeks. They caught her on video. Their loss prevention specialist got her in a back room and got her to confess. He handcuffed her and she had to wait on us to come and get her. We went in with another officer. One thing that was really fun for me the whole night was watching people try and figure out what my role was. I wasn't in uniform or anything, so I didn't appear to be police, but since I was riding with the police and was going everywhere they were going, they assumed I wasn't an average joe citizen. I think a lot of them thought I was some kind of undercover detective.
  
  
• Security Alarm - At Save-A-Lot, the alarm went off. They called for the police to go and check it out. The doors at the front and back were all secure. In the end, I think Save-A-Lot may end up in a little trouble. Legally, if your business has an alarm system, you are required to get a sticker every year stating what kind of system it is and that it is current. Along with this, you are required to have a responder for your business who comes every time the alarm sounds. Save-A-Lot didn't have any stickers up, and there responder didn't want to come, so we had to leave them a note telling them to get their act together.
  
  
• Juvenile Delinquent - We went on a call to a situation where a lady's 13-year-old niece was causing lots of problems. It was one of those sad situations where the parents were no good, so the aunt was trying to help out, but didn't have stellar parenting skills herself. The aunt called because the girl constantly shows her attitude, makes messes, and screams at the top of her lungs (according to the aunt). The girl made the aunt sound pretty bad. We went in there and talked with each of them. The girl kept showing some attitude to Matt, so with the Aunt's decision, we cuffed her and took her downtown to the juvenile detention center. We felt pretty bad about the situation because everyone in this situation really needs help. The girl really needed to be in counseling and psychological evaluation a lot worse than she needed to be taken to juvenile hall. At the same time, hopefully now that she is in the juvenile court system they will get her to the people that she needs to be getting help from.
  
  
• Car In Wrong Lane With No Lights On - This was our last stop of the night. There was a car driving up the wrong way of a one-way mall exit with no lights on and a broken brake light. We turned on our lights and swerved around, going after them through the parking lot. You could tell they had seen us and kind of wanted to get away without us finding them. But when we got up on their bumper and he started giving them commands through the speaker, they pulled over. They were acting really nervous. The driver was fairly cooperative, but the passenger was being a punk. Matt ended up searching both of them and then went through every nook and cranny of their car. He was really hoping to find some drugs, because they looked and acted very suspicious. We're convinced the passenger may have had a small quantity on him, but since Matt didn't find any, we let them go with a warning.
  

Those weren't all of the calls we dealt with, but that is a good sampling. Having gone along and watched all this stuff, and having visited with my friend about it, I wanted to give a few insights that I took away from the experience.

1. If people would stop calling the police about so many stupid things, our streets would be a lot safer. Matt's goal is to serve at least one warrant every day that he works. Three times during the evening, we would finish a call, and he would start looking up someone who needed to be arrested. We'd have their address and information, and would be en route to go get them...then someone would call with something totally lame. Instead of chasing bad guys, police officers spend enormous amounts of time dealing with things like loud music complaints, people saying "this guy threatened me, then he hopped in his car and rode off, but I just wanted you guys to know about it", and other stuff that the police have no reason to be dealing with. We had to go to a house where some family sold the house, but wasn't finished moving out, and the new owner was being a punk about letting them in to get their stuff. It was a complete waste of time, and if people just practiced the golden rule, they could easily resolve this themselves. The reason we didn't arrest any true criminals last night had a lot to do with people not working out their own petty problems. Warrants do not work like calls. Warrants are done on more of a voluntary basis by the officers, but calls demand priority. Less calls = more warrants served.
   
   
2. Unless something happens to you involving real theft or violence, there isn't much the police can do. One of our longest calls last night involved driving to the middle of nowhere where someone saw a cat get hit by a car that wasn't quite dead. It was dead by the time we got there. In the end, this doesn't even concern the police. After we checked it out, we had to call some other service to come get the body. Along with this, if you get locked out of your car, don't call the police. They used to help break into cars by doing the coat hanger-lock routine, but there's too much liability involved. Your best bet is to call Pop-a-lock, or some company that does that full time. If you tell the police to get you into your car, the only way they will do it is by smashing your window. The police are there to deal with crime, not to handle our little inconveniences (though thankfully, most of them are willing to help out with the little stuff anyway).
   
   
3. I was amazed at the variety of things a policeman encounters. Matt had to go from chasing a speeder, to stopping to help someone broken down on the side of I-40, to counseling a juvenile, to mediating between a home buyer and seller.
   

Overall, it was really an eye-opening experience. I had a great time, and definitely hope to go and do it again some time. I have gained an entirely new appreciation for what our police forces are doing to keep us safe. They really do work well as a team, and really show an incredible amount of patience for the people they are protecting.

I know you're all wondering what to get me

Ok, so my birthday is coming up on Monday! I know you've all been wondering what you can buy for me, and you've probably been saving up for months to shower me with gifts. In case you needed some ideas, I wanted to make sure you're all quite aware of my Amazon.com wish list. :-)

And even if I don't get everything, I'll know it wasn't because you don't love me.

I'll be 27 by the way. YIKES!