Use Your Allusion: Volpone

Volpone is a character in a comedy by Ben Johnson of the same name, originally printed in 1607.

Volpone is a childless man, and he manages to draw some attention to himself by pretending that he is imminently about to die, and is therefore seeking an heir.

Several suitors show up, and visit his bedside. Volpone's sidekick is named Mosca. Mosca secretly convinces each of these suitors that if he gives Volpone an expensive suitable gift, then it is certain that he will become the heir.

Volpone gloats over the great gifts he starts receiving, but since Mosca has integrity as lacking as that of Volpone, it is only a matter of time before Mosca tries to blackmail Volpone out of his treasures. Volpone decides to confess to the authorities and have both of them be punished, rather than see Mosca take away his fortune.

This is not a character I've seen alluded to often, but it is an amusing story. You could definitely use this of someone who is a hypochondriac, who looks to get special treatment and attention from people disproportionate to how ill they actually are. In fact, you could call them "Volpone", and it's unlikely they'd even know what you meant!

Christian One Liners

I've seen many of these before, but several of them are pretty good. To any of my readers who are in charge of updating your church marquee: You're welcome.

Christian One Liners

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
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Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
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Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
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It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
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When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
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People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
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Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
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Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
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If the church wants a better preacher, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
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God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
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Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
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Peace starts with a smile.
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I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does
it make which one you stay home from?
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A lot of church members who are singing 'Standing on the Promises' are just sitting on the premises.
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We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
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Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
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Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
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Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
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Forbidden fruits create many jams.
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God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
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God grades on the cross, not the curve.
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God loves everyone, but probably prefers 'fruit of the spirit' over a 'religious nut!'
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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
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He who angers you, controls you!
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If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
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Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
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The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
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The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
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We don't change the message, the message changes us.
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You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
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The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

It's Nacho Cat: Bring Your Pet To Work Day...

...not really. I was about to take Nacho over to the Hilltop Pet Resort, so we could leave that afternoon for Searcy. But since we had Nacho there in her cage when I dropped off Carolina and Lifeway, we thought it would make a good photo opportunity.

I must say, this is now one of my favorite Nacho pictures. It's not often you can a cat expressing such raw emotion, because they're typically very stoic. I know there are all the ROFL cats, but I love how obviously vocal she is in this picture. You can see it in her face: she wanted out of this weird concrete jungle, and out of this cage!

Use Your Allusion: Kairos - Bald From Behind

Kairos is a Greek word meaning something like "Opportunity" or "Chance." It was a word for time when something special could happen.

Kairos was the god of the fleeting moment. He was always on his feet, often depicted with wings, and he carried a razor, reminding us of the sharp and quick nature of opportunities.

Most notable about Kairos was that he had long bushy hair on the front of his head over his face, but the back of his head was completely bald. The idea is that you can grasp an opportunity as it arrives, but once it's past you, there's nothing you can do about it.

This all gave rise to the expression, "Opportunity is bald from behind."

Kairos is a word that shows up a lot. There is a church planting group led by one of my professors, Stan Granberg called "Kairos." The idea is that we need to be seizing the opportunities around us to reach people for Christ. I think this is a helpful allusion, if not a great sermon illustration.

It's Nacho Cat: Strangers At The Door

There's a neighborhood cat that's always hanging around looking for Nacho. I've caught him in our garage a couple of times eating her food. He looks a lot like her, except he's a little bigger. Sometimes he stands outside of our front door and meows as loud as he can. This particular evening, Carolina was cracking the door to let the two kitties look at each other. Nacho kept her distance (as you can see) and eventually lost interest. The other kitty would have come inside if I would have allowed it. I hope they become friends, because Nacho apparently has some foes in the neighborhood. Many evenings she returns home with battle damage.

Use Your Allusion: Bob's Your Uncle

"Bob's your uncle" is a phrase heard mostly in Britain, Ireland, and other Commonwealth countries. It has its roots in a situation in 1887 where British Prime Minister Robert Cecil (a.k.a. Lord Salisbury) needed to appoint a new Chief Secretary for Ireland, which was a very important and sensitive position. He appointed a man named Arthur Balfour for the position. The problem was that most of the time, Mr. Balfour knew Lord Salisbury as "Uncle Bob".

This was a blatant case of nepotism, and people were very upset about it.

For a while, "Bob's your Uncle" became a popular sarcastic phrase to use about any situation where the result was preordained by favoritism. Over time, the situation was forgotten about, and today the phrase has a meaning more like, "There you have it", or "You're all set." It's lost a good deal of its edge.

For instance, if I were teaching you how to make your bed, I might say, "Put on the sheets, add the comforter on top of them, put the pillows at the head of the bed, and Bob's your Uncle."

I personally like this allusion, and I wish we could redeem its edge a bit. It is being used a lot, though I'm not sure people understand its meaning. If you Google it, you'll discover it's been used as a name for Pizza Cafes, a greeting card company, and a comic strip.

It's Nacho Cat: Wii Fit

Nacho doesn't seem to get that when we're doing the Wii Fit, there is a good possibility that we could step on her. She persists in rubbing up against our legs, despite all the stepping, jumping, and leaning. But she's also glad to lay on the floor by the Wii Fit pad when we're done, as if she had been working out herself.

It's Nacho Cat: Nap Time

One of Nacho's favorite things to do is to sleep on us. That goes for upstairs in the recliner, and especially for downstairs on our bed when we take naps. Sunday afternoons, it is the three of us, all sound asleep.

My Grad School Papers

On the one hand, I know that most people will have no interest in reading papers. On the other hand, a good part of why I blog is for my own sake. I've been working very hard on my MDiv, and really don't want to loose track of all the papers I've had to write. Though I have decided not to include some of them, I have now made .pdf files of several of my papers, and have made them available for download for anyone who is interested.

The ones I've included are:

• Principles For Long Term Effectiveness In Ministry
• Christian Responsibility And Environmental Ethics
• I Corinthians 5 Exegetical Paper
• Karl Barth and Natural Theology
• David Lipscomb and the 1906 Division Of The Restoration Movement
• Personal Theological Reflection Paper
• The Function Of Solomon's Temple
• The "Everything You Need To Know About The Mexico Trip Book"

I've added a permanent link on the upper right hand corner of my blog, so if you ever feel like trudging through, you're welcome to take a look at these. From time to time, I will probably add more. Because of the program I used to make them into .pdf files, some of the formatting became a bit skewed, but the content is all there.

I don't promise that they're good, but I worked so hard on them that I would really hate for them to simply vanish and never serve the purpose of sharing the information that I learned.

A Valentine's Day Gift Idea For You Guys

I'm sure that if you're anything like me, and you're a guy, you're starting to go into the Valentine's Day panic about now. I know it's coming soon. I feel like I just spent too much money in December, and I should be saving now rather than spending more, yet the Hallmark Corporation continues to force all these holidays and expectations onto humanity. But regardless of what you think, the expectations are in place, and if you don't deliver, you'll be in the dog house. I feel a need to do something fresh and creative, yet I never can seem to come up with anything in time. I'm offering you some help here, because as of right now, there's still time.

Here's an idea for you: EarthyGlow Candles.

Here's what they are:

These are lotion candles made with natural soybean oil. After burning the candle for a while, you can use the wax as lotion on your hands, cuticles, elbows, and knees.

Here's why these are better than any other candle you might get:

- They are made with 100% natural products that are environmentally friendly, and come from renewable resources. Even the wicks are 100% cotton with no lead or zinc in them, so they burn clean. If you or your wife are into "going green", then you'll really like this company's philosophy.

- A portion of every purchase is used to support local charities.

- There are a zillion fragrances to choose from.

- Rather than having to buy them lotion and a candle, you get both for the price of one. The novelty of the idea is also cool.

- You can tell your significant other that the candles have been used as giveaways at parties at the Oscars, and are popular among celebrity types. Tell her it's a luxury candle. When you can brag and give all this extra information about the candle you bought, she'll know you put more effort into purchasing it. It's not just another lame-o Yankee candle.

- The company is owned by a good Christian woman who is a friend of mine. I'm a firm believer that Christians should support other Christians.

Feel free to do whatever you want, but don't say I didn't try to help you out a little here. Best of luck, fellas. If you don't want to be in the dog house, it's time to get hopping!